A packing list?

So, as previously mentioned, I'm not great at swimming. Unfortunately, I'm not much better at packing. Packing for camping trips, packing to move out of college dorms, or packing to go to a coffee shop--it's all a little difficult for me.

I never understood the question my mom always asked before I headed on a journey: "Are you packed yet?" The anxiety of wanting to get where I'm going has always trumps the need to pack. Do I have my toothbrush, deodorant, and more than one t-shirt for two weeks of vacation? Eh, it'll be fine. Places to go, people to see.

And yet I'm surprised when I start unpacking and realize that I'm just a tad unprepared, not to mention pretty stinky.

And I tend to do the same thing with metaphorical voyages, such as this year with InterVarsity. Instead of involving God in the mix, I tend to quickly grab my empty backpack, forgetting to bring an iota of His power, knowledge, or guidance. However, the past week or so on Creighton's campus with InterVarsity has been a spiritual, emotional, and logistical "packing" before I shove off from shore on this journey down the river. [Note: I'm going to try and carry out swimming/large bodies of water/fishing metaphors for as long as I can on this blog. I mean, heck, the title of "Sink or Swim" puts a lot of pressure on me to do so. If it's slightly annoying, I know--I've backed myself into this corner, though].

Slowing down, pondering 'next steps,' and going through my 'packing list' of things to do and ways to include God on campus hasn't necessarily felt natural to me. However, for one of the few times in my life, I feel prepared: Prepared for the challenges ahead, prepared for the unexpected, prepared for the blessings God's going to pour out as I let him paddle the canoe where He wants to go. The week of planning large-group worship, readying ourselves to reach out to freshmen, and most importantly, preparing my own heart to allow God to use me, has me in a place of readiness. Praying for big things both on campus and in my own life has allowed for a renewal and anticipation, of sorts, for this year.

And that preparation paid off on Tuesday, as we saw 80+ students show up to the first outdoor 'BASIC', our large-group gathering. Beyond the large crowd, great worship music, and gorgeous weather, though, was God clearly moving in the students. Far from being a go-through-the-motions event, it felt like students were engaged and open to what role Jesus might play in their life in college. One freshman student sitting in her dorm room nearby heard a familiar song we were playing and decided to wander down to join the group to worship. A group of girls at BASIC felt right at home, stating after the gathering that "this is what we were praying for!" Another enthusiastic freshman told me afterwards "Thanks for inviting me...this was great. I'm going to invite my whole floor!"

Instead of feeling drained and discouraged like usual, I'm excited about the beginning of the year and amazing possibilities. I guess including God in the planning team for this year at Creighton is a good idea...what a crazy concept, right?

I want to give glory to God. Amen.

Do I get floaties?

I can't swim.

Ask my mom. Seriously. Like, if I raced Michael Phelps, I might win...but only because he's laughing too hard at my attempts to swim. Treading water is only safe for me if I'm standing in the shallow end. Or a kiddie pool.

Consequently, the phrase of "sink or swim" doesn't leave me with many options. Sink or...umm...hope Free Willy comes along? Sometimes that's how I feel about my upcoming ministry intern year with InterVarsity at Creighton. In less than a week, students will be on campus, and I'll be "on the job." Ready or not, I'll be mentoring, leading, teaching, and loving Creighton students, hoping to be a great resource in their spiritual growth. For the entire summer, I had been ready to get to campus. I couldn't wait. Now that I'm here, though, there's a small part of me that wonders if I'll be able to swim on day one. Like Peter stepping out of the boat so enthusiastically to follow Jesus, I begin to see the waves around me.

But my initial reaction to sinking, unlike Peter, is not necessarily to cry out to Jesus for help. I'd prefer to save myself. I'd prefer to reach for the floaties (water wings, if you will) that I packed, blow 'em up, slip them on, and continue to try to splash my way to shore. Swinging my arms wildly, wondering how many people on shore are pointing and laughing, I try harder. I may even make some progress and get closer to shore; eventually, though, I just end up tired and frustrated at how much energy I wasted.

After trying and failing to do it my own way, I start to think about what I actually need. And what I need is a swimming lesson and a good instructor. Spiritual swim lessons. (But also a lot of real swimming lessons).

You know what the great thing is? I've heard that Jesus teaches a mean backstroke.

Though it scares me at times, it may be okay that I don't feel completely confident in my own abilities. It may be okay that my "floaties" of trying to say the right words, act the right way, or strategize too much about outreach events don't support me. In the bigger picture, I don't think the point of my year at Creighton is to just stay afloat or do it on my own. I think a successful year would instead consist of learning how to swim and listening to the Instructor's advice.

So that's what I'll do. When I feel useless, I'll lean that much more on His power. When I make mistakes, I'll find solace in the grace that God provides. It's not going to happen all in one lesson, but that's alright...I've got time. So what's the first lesson going to be?

Learning how to take deep breaths.